It has been forever since i have been on here and i apologize for that. i am hoping to get back into

blogging more often. Things have been so caotic around here.

My job is a variety of emotions right now. I know that it shouldnt be an emotional rollercoaster but I allow it to be and that is the most frustrating of it all. There are three reasons that i love my job.

1) My customers love me just as much as I love them. I get to see all different kinds of people, know their jobs, their families,their lives. I know when they are having a bad day and i try to make it a little better by smiling with them and laughing with them, even if it takes me being silly to do it.

2) I love the people that i work with. They are so different from each other. I know what is going on with their families, wether good or bad. They know what is going on with mine. They look to me for guidance and I look to them for the same. They want me to lead them no matter how much i dont feel qualified for it. They encourage me to take more control with the store. They all know that they can call me wether at home or on my cell and ask me questions or just to chat. Here is a perfect example:

One of the girls there..I say "girl" but she is a woman......he name is Sam...I met her when she transfered to my store about 8 months ago. Her mother and I became fast friends and have stayed that way since we met. Anyway...Sam was pregnant....her mom called me when they were in the hospital waiting to have the baby. She asked me to come up and be with them during the birth.

I felt and still feel honored to have been invited by all of them to enjoy this very special occassion. I felt like I really have friends and that they love me with all of my faults and quirks.

Anyway...that is what i am talking about. The people that i work with...I just love all of them.

3) I am nervous about being an authority figure at my work. I dont want any of them to hate me or get mad at me, even though i know it will happen now and again. I am afraid that i will fail and that i will lose the respect of my co-workers and 'my bosses'. And that i will lose any confidence in myself that i have worked so hard to build.

Anyway....it is late and i have to work in the morning. I will talk more later

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and has a beautiful loving Christmas!!!!!

I am in a pretty good mood today. I have had a difficult time getting into this mood over

the past couple of days. My husband and I have thought for the past few weeks that we

could very possibly be expecting a child. We were really quite excited at that possibility.

We even went as far as deciding that if it turned out that we were really pregnant that

we would move into a larger place. We live in a two bedroom now but one of those

bedrooms is a storage-office space so we needed to have something bigger.

So anyway....we decided that it was time to really know the truth of the matter so I

went for a blood test. It was negative. That was a total blow to me!!! I was actually

mad. I mean MAD!!!!!!

We wanted it so bad and to be let down like that was just such a shock. I called and told

Tony what the results were and he was just so shocked. He was really disappointed.

The thing is...i know that when the time is right things happen. I know that it wasn't meant to

be or we would have gotten different results. I have accepted that. But what really sucks is that

I have had two pregnancies. One was unwanted and i gave that baby up for adoption to

a couple that i knew would love him. I had my son and even though I wasnt expecting it

I was happy to have him. It took me a while to get used to the idea that i was having

a baby. I will say that when i tried to be a single mother, I just wasnt ready. I was too

scared that i was going to mess up royally. I just wasnt emotionally equipped to handle

taking care of myself and my baby.

What i am trying to get at is that when we really believed that we were pregnant

I did some major soul searching and realized that if we were I could handle it. I could handle

taking care of myself and my husband and a new addition to our family. I also knew that

if anything....God forgid....should have happened that would make me a single mother

then i could handle that too. I knew that i would be strong enough for the both of us.

That is when i really started looking forward to being a mother.

So...thank you for letting me get that off my chest and saying what i wanted to say

have a wonderful evening and rest of the week!!

Later, Jeannie

today is absolutely an awesome day!!! I have finally convinced my husband to take me to a movie. In an actual theater. With actual popcorn. And actual fountain sodas.

See......my husband doesnt like to go the movie house because he gets bored and it is usually a movie that he isnt really interested in seeing...in other words, it is one that I picked out for us to see...so this time I picked one that I know he has talked about wanting to see and it is the new Batman movie.  I AM SO FREAKIN EXCITED!!!!!!!! It has been the better part of a year since we last went to see a movie together!!!

Tomorrow I am driving out to my sisters to spend some quality time with her. I just want to spend time with her. Tony will be working and so will Jack so we will have one on one time and that will be nice.

Probably gonna go to church with her and help with the kids...that will be fun too because i am a kid addict..I love to play with toys and color and be on their level. It is soooooooooooooooooo much fun!!!

I will talk more later

Jeannie